Meandering Through the Week

Hi All,

I am writing this week with no plan of action as to where this post will take me. I recommitted to my writing hobby a few weeks ago with no real plan for content. This blog was my first so I am reviving this one first. I did continue to write while mustkeepmoving.com was dormant, but those posts are buried on Facebook. My goal before the end of the year is to pull them into my various blogs, including this one, as there is some good content to share and I hope to help others.

During church today the Pastor asked us how to "fan the flames of others." My immediate thought was "by example." That's a lot of what I learned about myself through the years, I have the ability to let people know they are not alone and show that you can keep moving through illness and busy lives. When I first started writing this blog I shared for accountability. I still do, but I now know that there are more people reading than I realized and my job is not yet done.

As I mentioned in a previous post I want to try again for a Half Marathon in February 2024. That is about 37 weeks away from today. I have put together a weekly plan to get me there with the first 3-4 months focusing on nutrition and taking my meds. This plan involved a trip to the endocrinologist and my primary care doctor this week.

I found out most of my blood work was fine or just needed a few supplement tweaks. I do have a problem with high blood sugar so the endocrinologist redid my treatment plan. We had high hopes the newer version of a medicine that made me sick previously would work wonderfully - so I agreed to try it.

I took the shot Thursday, but by late Friday night, I was violently ill. Not only was I unable to do my original Saturday plans due to physical reasons, but I also struggled mentally with this setback. I worried that a solution was not to be found. I ruminated that I was destined to be sick once a week just to live a little longer or keep my limbs. I chastised myself for being melodramatic. Repeat.

Now I am afraid to eat ANYTHING with too much sugar or fat. While on the surface, this seems like a good thing - it is not. I believe in moderation. I have successfully kept off 40 pounds for 10 years by moderating what I eat. I do not completely deprive myself. Alas.

I have a clearer mind today. I have hope that the side effects will dissipate and this med will be a success. Just stay tuned for that challenge!

I think this is all I have to say for the week.

Take care until next week or the writing mood strikes!

Kristi

Published to http://kristiasher.blogspot.com

No Bagel, No Bagel, No Bagel, No Bagel

Hi All,

I probably shouldn't have done it, but I did. I looked at the results of the NINE vials of blood that I had pulled out of my veins earlier this week. Yes, NINE vials. 

In my I'm-Not-A-Dr Opinion I will soon kick the bucket if I don't adhere to a strict diet of no fun and sugar-free cinnamon candy. Basically, it appears I have high gluten sensitivity and milk protein sensitivity which can be part of the cause of sluggishness and the joint pain I am feeling. Of course, my blood sugar is still too high and now apparently my thyroid is out of whack. Sigh.

I sit here consoling myself, as I often do, with the knowledge that I am better than I would have been had I not gotten help 15 years ago. However, I am overwhelmed by what is left to do. I go back to my "why." I could give up, but that is not an option. There are still a lot more oceans I want to see, mountains to climb, food to test (sans gluten and milk protein), and rain to tickle my skin.  The shorter-term goal is just to feel better and use my tenacity to beat back the "blahs." 

Not all the results are bad, I have made improvements in a lot of areas, especially in my cholesterol. That makes me proud of myself.

I just get overwhelmed for the same reasons I always do. If you do everything to be perfectly healthy, when do you have time to live? Of course, how do you live a life worth living if you do not try to be healthy? ACK!

I will tackle this still with my original plan. I will concentrate on changing habits of the next several months until the half marathon. This week and next week I am working on water intake and taking my medications at the same time every day. 

Til Next Time,

Kristi

Published to http://kristiasher.blogspot.com

Finding the Rest of the Bagel and My Health

Hi All,

Thin bagels make me sad. I bought some in a misconceived effort to eat healthier, but now I regret my decision. No amount of added Everything Bagel Seasoning on top of my healthy fat of guacamole is going to make it better. I am missing the extra doughy girth. A thin bagel is just the skin of the delectable goodness. I must apologize to the Ashkenazi Jewish people and Poland for betraying the heritage of the bagel. Another lesson learned in trying to live healthier in order to not be itchy, tired, or whatever latest symptom of unhealthy eating is expressing itself that day.  I do not need to make myself unhappy by eating a thin bagel.

When I started paying more attention to my health fifteen years ago I white-knuckled my way through various stages of losing weight- it did not work. What finally worked and has helped keep weight off is allowing myself to eat all the things, but mostly in moderation. I stay away from binge foods. Granted, I still have the weight that should come off of me, but I was feeling better than I ever had. I still do as compared to before I started.

Something happened this past year that has made things a bit harder. My mother died, but that is not all of it. I cannot sit and concentrate for long periods of time. I am in pain most days for unexplained reasons. I am ITCHY! I have not gained weight, but my blood sugar is too high, my blood pressure needs to be watched, and my cholesterol numbers could be lower. Sometimes, I feel like I am back where I started.

When I started writing a decade and a half ago to share my journey it evolved from the good, bad, and funny of losing weight to also include mental health advocacy. Well, this time around we are going to include what no one wants to talk about. Menopause. It confounds me how even women do not want to discuss this. There is no shame in getting older! The gray-haired warriors of the planet do great things and can be healthy in mind, body, and spirit as they age. We may just have to change approaches as we get older. Men do as well. Their hormones change, too.

In a recent visit to Miss Tappity Tap, my long-time blog reader you might remember her she is still around and assisting, she voiced a half-baked idea that my physiology might have changed enough to require some repeat diagnostic testing of my mental health. Maybe I have acquired ADD or PDA along with my existing alphabet soup.  You know, I may have an additional diagnosis. I don't care what you call it, I want to feel better. She theorizes, and studies back her up, that as we get older hormonal and other aging chemistry changes play a part in mental health.

After inspiring myself by reading my own blog posts over the years, I decided enough is enough! I impulsively planned another half marathon. Yes, again. I have 40 weeks to train. I still walk, but I have yet to successfully walk beyond eight miles since my leg surgery in 2018. I believe this is a lack of proper training and want to try just one more time. This time I am going to do it like the first time I trained with Dr. Pita's help. I am going to focus for three-four months on nutrition and potentially losing weight. It is during this time I hope to re-establish some healthy eating habits and create new ones that align with this stage of life.

As part of my plan, I also am working on some mental health issues. Most of my ideas for this come from http://www.strugglecare.com. I really relate to her content and have found a lot of useful tips that have really helped me. She also is a big proponent of a lot of what we are taught is morally neutral regarding some of the daily tasks I struggle to complete. A messy kitchen does not mean you are a bad person, for example. It is a signal that something is wrong and you need a little assistance.

As I have done in the past I will write about how I am implementing or working on these new habits in hopes that it helps others. I love getting messages from folks regarding the topics. The support, questions, and vents do help me in countless ways. It gives me some accountability as well. I keep moving forward.

This is week one of the countdown to the half marathon. I have focused on water intake and doing something called "closing duties" per KC Davis (strugglecare.com). These are tasks I try to do every night to prepare myself for the next day. The lesson I so far have taught myself this week is that the bag of trash does not need to be full to be taken to the bin. Who knew?!? It's out of the house and makes me feel better. 

Take care my reader!

Until next time (I will probably be in the bathroom after drinking all this water)

Kristi

Published to http://kristiasher.blogspot.com

The Leaf - Originally published to Facebook 11/12/2021

This simple leaf floated to the ground in front of me on a walk today. The picture does not show the true beauty or the lessons it taught. The colors are vibrant and gracefully blend into the next on the spectrum. The jagged edges would make a seamstress jealous of the intricate design.

I have not kept secret my waves of depression for the past year. I have kept hidden the depth of the catatonia that arrived a few times. I felt no need to share. I knew it would eventually pass. It always lifts. Once the darkness is gone there is a mad dash to crawl out of the hole and rapidly prepare for the next round of at least melancholia.

Normally a falling leaf would make me sad. I would sigh as I would feel sorry for the dead leaves and barren trees. I was wrong.

This leaf reminded me that its job is done. The tree needs to rest. The tree worked hard all year to provide for the leaf so it can produce oxygen needed for life.

Earlier this week I saw a TikTok from KC Davis that people truly do not get enough rest when we are supposed to be resting. Her hypothesis resonated with me. When I try to do a restful activity or just sit for a moment and clear my brain, the thoughts in my head are rapid fire. "You have a zillion things to do!" "You have to get caught up on X, Y, Z!" "You have energy, use it!" "The next mood shift will be with you soon, you have to get ahead of it." She said allowing those thoughts and dwelling on them is not resting! If this is true, the only time I rest is when I am in a deep, deep low. It's in those troughs where I no longer care and just sleep.

The leaf told me today that it was time for the tree to rest. It started work in the Spring and now it was time to prepare for a slumber so it can be ready for a beautiful Spring. All living beings have seasons.

As Facebook and Timehop reminders pop up in my phone, I see a journal of my life the past thirteen years. Boy do I have trends! Many are known to me, but not all. Some align with the natural change in seasons, some align with daylight, some align with weather, and sometimes mood shifts just happen. It could be I ate fast food all the week prior.

Meeting the leaf was destiny today. I was woefully depressed earlier this week, but functioning. I had a long conversation with a friend. He told me that if I lived near him he would drag me to his weekly walking/running group. I had previously mentioned my favorite thing in the world is to take a quiet walk surrounded by trees. I am in the longest period of time I had not walked at least 10 miles in a week's time since I started distance walking over a decade ago.

Many people who know me are aware I have a mantra of "Must Keep Mo

ving" instilled in me by my Dad. I have stopped moving at the level I need. Not completely, thanks to owning dogs, but definitely not doing what I enjoy. A nice long meditative walk of 3 or 4 miles is one of the many "shoulds" that is on my daily list.

I need to take about 8 prescriptions, swallow 10+ supplements, strength train, drink a gallon of water, eat unprocessed whole foods, do Yoga, use my brain zapper thingy, journal, sleep 8 hours, monitor blood sugar, watch my blood pressure, and walk every day just to have a chance of stabilizing the mood. It's overwhelming and tiring.

I am no different than the tree. It has to drink enough water, photosynthesize, hold on to its leaves in storms, expand the roots, and get fertilized. It's busy, too.

The big difference is that the tree rests.

This morning I woke up and said, "This is bullshit. You are doing the activity you love today!" So, I dusted off enough of the melancholia, took the drive that I hate right now (road closed) and took a long walk. When I got to my favorite part of the trail, I cried.

Amongst the beautiful trees I shed tears of grief and joy. I was happy to be on the trail, but sad because of too many things to share. It was a cathartic release.

I walked a little over a mile.

I rested. I was tired enough that I just enjoyed what was around me.

I walked another mile back to the car and met the leaf.

When I got home I thought about the leaf and did not turn on the computer. I allowed myself to not think about work, bills, dirty clothes, tangled hair, dirty dishes or trash that needs to go to the bin.

I rested.

Published to http://kristiasher.blogspot.com