Monday, May 28

May 28, 2012 - Rebirth


Yes, three months since I last posted.  As those that have read most of my posts know, I get in some deep funks sometimes. This was one of those times. I was/am really struggling this time. This struggle has continued for close to six months. I tried to tell myself to; "snap out of it" which only makes it worse. I feel a failure. There were even times I said to myself; "what is there to live for?"  Fortunately, I have strong faith that things will get better. They always do.

Normally, I can snap out of the funks relatively quickly by eating right and exercising. A lot of this is due to the fact that my funks can be attributed to physiological causes. However, this time it was also caused by external factors as well. I was betrayed by a friend. One that had always supported me in the past. One that supported me in my healthy lifestyle activities.  Alas, that friendship is over because when you betray me my friendship is over. That is it. I will never trust you again. I have moved on (for the most part).

The loss of a friend and the physiological causes of my funk coupled into a huge mess. I gained weight. I would workout, but only at half capacity. My lowest came just two weeks ago. I really did wonder why I was on earth, why people were so cruel, and why life was so hard.  I kept moving even though I felt (wrongly) that I did not have the support of family and friends.  The concept of "keeping on keeping on" was something I could not do in the past. This is something I have developed over the past few years.  For this I am proud.

One night, I was crying. I was beating myself  up over losing my "spark." The spark that once had me wanting to do 2-3 half marathons a year. The spark that once had me wanting to inspire others to just get off the couch and move. It was gone and I couldn't find it until I got the following message.

"Hello! You have no clue who I am but I found your blog while nervously debating on whether or not to buy the Living Social for boot camp. After reading your inspirational and comical posts, I jumped in and bought it! You are an inspiration and I love your blog/tweets!!"

I cried again, but this time the tears were different. They were cleansing tears. They were tears of forgiveness to myself. Tears that said; "enough is enough." I sat down and reminded myself what I needed to do to get back to where I need to be in order to be the best person I can possibly be.  I was helping others and I could continue to do so. I just needed to get back out there.

I am thankful to the person that sent me the message. It arrived in my inbox at a great time. It was/is the catalyst for snapping me back.

I will continue to write about what is happening in my efforts to live a healthy lifestyle. Most of my stories will be humorous because life needs to be approached with a grin on our faces.  Occasionally, like today's post I will write about the down times too, because I want others to know they are not alone.

All stories I hope will inspire others to be the best they can be, too.

Til Next Week (or Tabata Tod does something that makes me mad in Boot Camp),

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