Thursday, October 29

October 28, 2009 - The Black Dog

Some days the alarm clock chimes and I cover my body with the blanket. "No need to get up. It's too early." Eventually, the dogs nose pokes me and he says; "Get the ^%&& up!"

I make my way to the door to let the dogs out and ever so slowly the day begins, but some days the routine is altered. Hiding in bed seems like the best thing to do. If I do make it out of bed the radio makes me cry on the way to work. Sometimes, the irritation of being amongst people overwhelms my senses. Granted, I do not have as many of these days as in the past, but occasionally the "Black Dog", as Churchill called it, comes for a visit.

For those that truly understand, it is more than just being lazy for a day or tired. There are other symptoms that you notice, but try to combat before they get out of hand (e.g. convinced that your sister has just been in a fire-y crash and you will have to figure out where to bury her (grin)).

For the past 18 months, many times the symptoms were caught early and the physiology changed. All of the symptoms are helped by eating right, exercising, and of course taking Vitamin D and loads of fish oil.

The Black Dog is a formidable foe that Kristi's Army is determined to combat even when I have difficulty with the fight myself. For that, I thank all of them.

Til Next Week and a Better Mood,
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Wednesday, October 21

October 21, 2009 - Calvin-2 vs. Me-0

Hi All,

I am not really in the mood to blog today, but it is Wednesday and I must. I have a lot going on right now in my head that I really do not want to "talk" about at this time (if ever). I will resolve it soon.

I did see Dr. Pita today and I was up a half pound, but do not worry folks, I was actually down 1.5 pounds of fat. I have some excess "water" due to an extremely swollen knee.

It all started Thursday. I mentioned to PT Bruiser that I needed to stretch my leg out some more after doing some strength training, but I did not think anything more about it until later in the evening.

Later that evening Calvin walked by me and "ouch!" My knee cap dislocated INWARD. It had NEVER done that. After much wallowing on the ground and a brief stint of tears' (after the pain subsided) I got up.

I will be going to Physical Therapy for a week or two to get some exercises to work on with PT Bruiser. Dr. Pita insists on some new knee braces, so I will get those too. I also will start back in with the Marathon Training here in about 10 days.

Poor Calvin, this isn't the first time he got the blame for my poor left knee.

Last winter Calvin plowed into me in an agility trial because I was standing in the wrong place. I went down and HARD. Of course, like a good dog, he proceeded to bark at the judge until my Sister walked him off the course.

Later Calvin decided to show his displeasure/nervousness/etc. at the day's events by going "Number 2" right before she finished a perfect Agility run with him. Sister then ran another course with him later and...he had to "Number 2" AGAIN.

That's my boy...

Til Next Week,
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Wednesday, October 14

October 14, 2009 - Pill Poppin'

Hello All,

I HATE to take pills. I have always had trouble taking pills. My longtime blog readers know that my pill popping problems pop up persistently in my postings (ha!). However, I believe they are now solved!!!!!

Last week, I discussed my pill popping problems with Pita (ha!). He was no help; I just wanted to throw another 'P' word in it. I did find some help on Google. When in doubt--Google it!

My problem with pill poppin is that I did not tilt my head alllll the way back so that my throat is completely open! If you too have this problem, definitely tilt your head all the way back and then take the pills and water. The pills slide much easier down your throat! persistent pill poppin' predicament poses a problem no more!

Til Next Week,
P.S. I am down 1.5 pounds from my being up last week!

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Wednesday, October 7

October 7, 2009 - Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Hello All,

I just ate a half pound of fudge. Not just ANY fudge---Amish Peanut Butter Fudge. Of course, now I want to "release" it all. I deserve the feeling that is in my belly. If I could write an eloquent diatribe regarding the feeling in my stomach, I would. For now, I will just say; "ugh." I could not stop myself. It was part of my lunch. I also had baked chicken and greek potatoes .

I am obviously struggling with being healthy right now. I met with Dr. Pita today and he had some "ideas." However, it is hard to take some of the ideas from him when I cannot seriously believe that he understands what I am going through right now. To be fair, I know that he can speak regarding what has worked for others and cite studies using empirical evidence.

When I got weighed before I met with him I was up 3.5 pounds. I was not suprised. Ever since the last time I was there I have been eating, eating, and eating. I do not know why. Is it Emotional Eating? Is it anxiety? Is it the weather? Is it hormones? I do not know, but it needs to stop. This is the worst it has been since I started this whole "concentrate on being healthy" life-long project started.

Dr. Pita mentioned that I need to be sure to drink water, because thirst disguises itself as hunger. Good point. I am going to try to drink at least 8 ounces of water before I eat anything. However, I know it is something beyond that. He also mentioned that there is a distinct instinct in us that makes us want to eat more as the weather gets colder. During this time I will need to be hypervigilant.

I got the most today from meeting with the Clinic Social Worker. She gave me a list of high-serotonin food for these low-light days. Here they are:

High Serotonin

Moderate Serotonin
Black Olives
Grapefruit and Honeydew

She also mentioned it could be the start of the winter blues. I mentioned that I want to buy this natural light that turns on slowly at a certain time each day (just like sunlight). Well, between the two of us we came up with the idea that I will use a regular OTT light with a low wattage bulb and a timer to see if that will help. It will not be enough light to automatically wake me up, but enough to start to disturb my sleep. It is a lot cheaper to try this than buy the 200-300 dollar light I was one day hoping to purchase.

Now, for my funny story for the week, I want to tell you about my Mother and Father. They are sugar pushers in their old age. When you are in the middle of a cycle of binging THESE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE TO BE AROUND.

You see, there are these cream-filled sticks that I believe Dad gets at Aldi's. One day, while walking by my mother's computer I saw a can of these and said to myself; "Hmmmm, these look good. Only 70 calories in one. PERFECT! This will take care of the sweet tooth and not set me out many calories." Well, I ate at least SIX of these. Sweet, crunchy, and soft in the middle. Yummy!

In a conversation with my sister we decided these sticks are made by the DEVIL! We both are addicted to them.

A couple of weeks later I am telling my Mother and Father about this addiction. My father said; "I have coffee one's. Want to try one?" I said; "Sure. I do not like coffee this will cure me of my addiction." Nope! I ate one and IMMEDIATELY wanted another one. Of course, Dad ate one and immediately put the can down. He did not understand why I could not eat just one. Urgh!

I later informed Dad that he didn't need to have those in his house. They are made by the DEVIL! Normal people could not just eat one! He then said to me; "I am going to eat whatever I want." He didn't get the joke. Even mom got this joke! (eye roll)

When speaking to my sister a few days later I informed her of the incident with Mom and Dad. She laughed and said that the cream ones ARE addicting, but she had not tried the coffee ones at the time.

Later that day I get the following tweet:

@kristiasher coffee wafers are just as addicting.

Til Next Week,
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Thursday, October 1

September 30, 2009 - Work Continues

Note: The photo is of my dog Calvin. Yes, I know it is blurry. However, per usual, I could not get him to sit still very long when trying to take his picture.

Hello All,

I had an appointment with Miss Tappity Tap earlier today. We discussed the same-old-same old, then she asked me; "What is it that we need to work on?" I had an immediate answer; "Binge eating or emotional eating. Are they the same? I do not know, but I have a problem with it!"

As you all know, I have struggled most of the summer. It is not that I have not lost weight, I have. The weight loss is not as quick, but that is not the problem. I am not eating as well nor am I remembering to take all my supplements, working out as hard, or journaling what I eat as much.

To be fair to myself I am doing better than I did 18 months prior, but I can do better. It is not that I am disappointed in the daily struggles, but sometimes it seems very overwhelming to think that I have to do all of this for the rest of my life. Then I get even MORE upset with myself when I think about the fact that other people have greater problems than me.

Of course, chastising myself does not help matters in the least. Sometimes I hear Dr. Pita in my head; "You need to change your physiology to change the chemicals in your brain."

I proved that I can lose weight. I just need to keep going with a healthier lifestyle. It is important to note that I am not on some huge calorie deficit to lose this weight. I am eating as if I weighed in the BMI I am supposed to, and was somewhat physically fit. Therefore, I am striving to eat and exercise in healthy zones.

I signed up for an Emotional Eating class. As much as I despise groups (especially groups with whiny women), I agreed to give it a go. However, the first woman that blames the "snack table" at work will get an earful from me.

When you have years of bad habits to correct, it can all sometimes be exhausting. Or maybe it is just the change in weather.

Til Next Week,

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