CAUTION: Before calling the doctor to have me involuntarily committed please read last week’s post.
Dear “General”;
We are done, over, kaput! Much like the “Colonel” before you I must move on to those that will help me to live a healthier life. Your days of tempting and deceiving me with your fiber “treats” and hiding the truth buried where my naïve eyes could not see are behind me.
My new love is Gnu. Yes, he is an animal (Grrrrr!). YOU probably would refer to him as a beast. However, underneath his rough exterior is healthy natural goodness.
I know what you are thinking. How did we meet? Well, my eyes were opened by Salmonella Sally. She was the one who told me the truth about you. She told me how you give the impression of being healthy (which you are, in a way), but there are healthier options. In other words, I needed to keep my eyes open until something better came along and...something did.
I wrote about how you broke my heart last week and Gnu came along and swept me off my feet! Gnu sent me the following e-mail.
Dear “General”;
We are done, over, kaput! Much like the “Colonel” before you I must move on to those that will help me to live a healthier life. Your days of tempting and deceiving me with your fiber “treats” and hiding the truth buried where my naïve eyes could not see are behind me.
My new love is Gnu. Yes, he is an animal (Grrrrr!)
I know what you are thinking. How did we meet? Well, my eyes were opened by Salmonella Sally. She was the one who told me the truth about you. She told me how you give the impression of being healthy (which you are, in a way), but there are healthier options. In other words, I needed to keep my eyes open until something better came along and...something did.
I wrote about how you broke my heart last week and Gnu came along and swept me off my feet! Gnu sent me the following e-mail.
From: @gnufoods.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 4, 2009 7:54:48 PM
Subject: Gnu Bars
Hi Kristi:
I was reading your blog today and found your “take” on Fiber One Bars to be very amusing. I am a partner in Gnu Foods and we make a delicious, all-natural high-fiber bar that I am sure you and your dietitian would approve of.
Gnu Bars have 12 grams of fiber, are low calorie and have no high-fructose corn syrup or added sugars, like a lot of so-called “healthy” bars have.
I’d like to send you some samples and hear what you think of them along with some nutritional information.
Please send me a snail mail address and I’ll get them out to you.
Check out our Website at
I look forward to hearing from you.
Gnu
Gnu Foods , LLC
Sure enough, Gnu is true to his words. I received a box of Gnu Bars. See how confident he is? He gnewI would immediately fall in love with him! I read his ingredients and they are perfect -- all natural and healthy. See for yourself!
The taste is absolutely divine. Sure, I have favorites. Who doesn’t? I only really had ONE choice with you that I enjoyed, but with Gnu I have THREE that I now will not be able to live without.
Orange Cranberry – My ABSOLUTE favorite. The bar is nice and chewy and quite tasty. It does not taste like a high-fiber bar at all. There are 3 grams of fat, but 3 grams of protein off sets that quite nicely.
Cinnamon Raisin – It is like eating a chewy cookie! Who doesn’t like a Cinnamon Raisin cookie?
Banana Walnut – I never knew bananas and walnuts were perfect when married!
Chocolate Brownie Bar and Peanut Butter Bar – I enjoy them, but for me they are not as good as the top three. These are quite good with some milk.
Sure enough, Gnu is true to his words. I received a box of Gnu Bars. See how confident he is? He gnew
The taste is absolutely divine. Sure, I have favorites. Who doesn’t? I only really had ONE choice with you that I enjoyed, but with Gnu I have THREE that I now will not be able to live without.
Orange Cranberry – My ABSOLUTE favorite. The bar is nice and chewy and quite tasty. It does not taste like a high-fiber bar at all. There are 3 grams of fat, but 3 grams of protein off sets that quite nicely.
Cinnamon Raisin – It is like eating a chewy cookie! Who doesn’t like a Cinnamon Raisin cookie?
Banana Walnut – I never knew bananas and walnuts were perfect when married!
Chocolate Brownie Bar and Peanut Butter Bar – I enjoy them, but for me they are not as good as the top three. These are quite good with some milk.
You know what else? I can order a big packet of them ONLINE! Yes, "General" ONLINE! Because he loves me so, there is a 20% off discount until Valentine's Day. Did you ever do that for me? No!
General, I hate to tell you this, but my new adoration is so strong it turned me into a poet. I wrote a limerick for Gnu.
Take this advice from me to you,
Eat healthy bars from Gnu,
This wisdom I impart,
Is good for your heart,
it will even help you go poo!
Signed,
Kristi
General, I hate to tell you this, but my new adoration is so strong it turned me into a poet. I wrote a limerick for Gnu.
Take this advice from me to you,
Eat healthy bars from Gnu,
This wisdom I impart,
Is good for your heart,
it will even help you go poo!
Signed,
Kristi
Originally Published to http://kristiasher.blogspot.com
4 comments:
OH Auntie. How funny!!! Your little poem shows such promise in your writing career.
Oh my goodness, I never laughed so hard...loved it all!! Makes me want to fall in love with Gnu too!!!
Kristi,
You are too much! Thanks for the laugh! I needed that today. I am feeling a little down this week.
Congrats on the 62 pounds. When is your year anniversary?
Good luck with the walking.
Lisa
Kristi,
Love it! Can't wait for my box of Gnu treats to arrive!
~Salmonella Sally
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