Sunday, June 13
June 13, 2010 -
Note: If you have just started to lose weight or just begun a lifestyle change be forewarned that this blog post is NOT inspiring. LOL
I knew before starting to live healthier that it was going to be hard, and I was prepared for it, but it does not stop the disappointment. There is discouragement when the scale doesn't move, when the dress size does not get smaller, or when you do not recognize the changes in yourself.
I am not alone in these struggles. For instance:
-I have a friend that has lost over 50 pounds on Weight Watchers three times.
-I know another person that had weight loss surgery that gained over half the weight back the year after she lost all of the weight.
Let's be fair though, it is not just about weight loss. There are also alcoholics that hop on and off the wagon. There are many of us that meet the definition of recidivism.
I never started this, nor have I been primarily concerned about "losing weight", but it is something I want and need to do. However, losing weight is a positive side effect of living healthy. Weight loss is one of the most noticeable affects of weight loss. It is also what gets you both positive and negative attention from others.
One of my rules to myself all along has been I would do this slow and steady in order to create lasting changes. I also never wanted to use anything that I would/could not use the rest of my life. Primarily, this was the use of weight loss drugs or weight loss surgery. My opinion was; "what does that teach you?" You cannot use both to KEEP the weight from coming back.
A little more than a year ago is when Dr. Pita and I had a volatile discussion regarding a suspicion he had regarding my moodiness. I bartered with him that I would do whatever it takes to not go see another doctor. Six months later I was not any better (according to him). I blamed myself because I could not choke down the 6 fish oil pills and the other lifestyle changes that accompanied his all natural ideas. In my mind, I failed. I went to the other doctor.
I must say that it was one of the best decisions I made. My closest friends say that there is a huge difference. Remember when I mentioned that I thought someone was under my truck or when I thought the water was poisoned? LOL!!! I do not have those thoughts anymore. I have been a different person these past 6 months. However, I have "lost" my ability to obsess.
I no longer obsess about my weight every day, meeting my exercise requirement for the day, or documenting my food. Let me explain a bit further, even if you do not understand, there is a HUGE difference is documenting and OBSESSING about documenting. The obsession, I believe, is what helped me lose the weight. I do not believe the obsession helped with the exercise. My external goals help keep me exercising.
Since I quit documenting as faithfully, reading everything I can on healthy lifestyles, and listening to exercise podcasts every day my weight loss stabilized. I also have been more prone to carb binges. Therefore, I gain 5 pounds, I lose 6, I gain 7, I lose eight, etc. My weight fluctuates the same 10 pounds back and forth.
I have not focused on this up and down of 10 pounds primarily because I feel good. The new pill is working, healthy eating is more of a norm, and I am exercising. I do still have funks, but I can snap out of them a bit quicker and know how to deal with the residual.
Since Dr. Pita is leaving (no he has not moved, yet) I had to find another doctor and I did. I chose another doctor that believes in natural remedies first, before giving a pill. My first visit went well. We were both on the same page. He is no Dr. Pita, but he also does not know me as well.
Thursday I saw the new doctor, he decided I need to take a pill that curbs cravings to sweets and carbs because of the medicine I currently take. He thinks it is worse because the medicine I currently take is triggering something in my brain. I walked out of the office crying. I cried until I got to work. I was devastated. It took me until today to realize why I was so upset. Again, I feel like I failed. The binges were something I am having trouble controlling. This is something I need to learn how to resolve! How can a medicine permanently help that? I was prone to binges before the other pill.
After a lot of thinking and researching, I have made my decision. I will take the pill. I will take the "new pill" as long as I take the "old pill." You see, I will somehow learn and take whatever I need to in order to live my life without the "old pill." However, if I cannot I will continue to take it, because I do want to live a better quality of life than I was a few years ago.
For now, even though I may not like it, I will take the two pharmaceuticals. I also will remind myself that it is not a sign of failure, it is just something that will help me reach my ultimate goal of learning to and living healthy.
Til Next Week,