Date: September 2, 2009
Time: Approximately 9:00 AM
Setting: Patient Room, Dr. Pita has just read that I gained 3.5 pounds in two weeks.
Dr. Pita: How are things going?
Me: Eh, okay. Not eating as well as I should. Not really binge eating, just not eating right. Too many fatty foods. However, I did not really gain 3.5 pounds there is no way I overate by 1000 calories a day.
Dr. Pita: According to the numbers you are up 3.5 pounds of fat.
Me: No I am not. The scale is wrong. I think I am bloated, but I am not up 3.5 pounds of fat. Nope, nope, nope.
Dr. Pita: (Heavy Sigh)
Me: (Smiling an innocent smile)
Dr. Pita: Exercising?
Dr. Pita: Hmmmm...I think you should do the Mini Marathon again next year.
Me: Nah, I have done it.
Dr. Pita: I REALLY think you should do the Mini Marathon again.
Me: It hurt A LOT! Remember? I my knee cap dislocated on the track and I still had 5 miles to go. It hurt. Besides, I have done it. Why do it again?
Dr. Pita: You will get a new knee brace and do it again.
***The sound of Dr. Pita scribbling in his chart.
***The sound of my brain churning with thoughts such as: let's see YOU do a half marathon with a bum knee Mr. ICanWearTheSamePantsIWoreInHighSchool.
Me: It hurt.
Dr. Pita: I want to see you in one week.
Date: September 9, 2009
Time: Approximately 10:00 AM
Setting: Patient Room, Dr. Pita has just read that I lost 3.5 pounds in one week.
Dr. Pita: So, what do you think was different this week.
Me: Nothing. I still am not eating perfect, but my calories per day are better.
Dr. Pita: Well it looks like you are doing better.
Me: I told you I did not gain 3.5 pounds! It was just bloating.
***The sound of Dr. Pita ignoring me.
Dr. Pita: So, what else is new?
Me: I am signing up for the Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon in New Orleans at the end of February.
Dr. Pita: Good!
Me: Yeah, I was thinking I could have a goal to do a 5K in every county in Indiana and a half marathon in every State.
Dr. Pita: That's a good goal.
Me: PT Bruiser is not happy.
Dr. Pita: Why?
Me: She thinks I am going to get hurt and then I will be out of commission awhile.
Dr. Pita: You need to train properly and get a new knee brace. If you were to get hurt you still would need to exercise, just differently.
Me: I know. I am going to go have my walk analyzed with a Physical Therapist and get the expert advice on what I should do. I also am going to concentrate more on strength and stretching and less on mileage per day.
Dr. Pita: Sounds great!
Dr. Pita: See you in two weeks.
Date: September 9, 2009
Time: Approximately 10:30 AM
Setting: Salmonella Sally, RD Office
Salmonella Sally: So, I haven't seen you in a long time!
Me: I have been meeting with the Social Worker.
Salmonella Sally: Ahhhh! Let's take a look at your food logs.
Me: We don't need to do that (said fearfully).
Salmonella Sally: You are eating way too much fast food.
Salmonella Sally: You need to do better at breakfast.
Salmonella Sally: Try the Jimmy Dean Lite Breakfast Bowls.
Salmonella Sally: Set a goal to only eat out a certain number of times during the week.
Salmonella Sally: Anything else going on?
Me: Dr. Pita is making me walk a half marathon.
Salmonella Sally: He is MAKING you? (said doubtfully)
Me: Really, he is. Look in my chart.
Salmonella Sally: Huh, he IS making you.
Me: Told you. He is mean.
Til Next Week!
Published to http://kristiasher.blogspot.com