Wednesday, October 7

October 7, 2009 - Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Hello All,

I just ate a half pound of fudge. Not just ANY fudge---Amish Peanut Butter Fudge. Of course, now I want to "release" it all. I deserve the feeling that is in my belly. If I could write an eloquent diatribe regarding the feeling in my stomach, I would. For now, I will just say; "ugh." I could not stop myself. It was part of my lunch. I also had baked chicken and greek potatoes .

I am obviously struggling with being healthy right now. I met with Dr. Pita today and he had some "ideas." However, it is hard to take some of the ideas from him when I cannot seriously believe that he understands what I am going through right now. To be fair, I know that he can speak regarding what has worked for others and cite studies using empirical evidence.

When I got weighed before I met with him I was up 3.5 pounds. I was not suprised. Ever since the last time I was there I have been eating, eating, and eating. I do not know why. Is it Emotional Eating? Is it anxiety? Is it the weather? Is it hormones? I do not know, but it needs to stop. This is the worst it has been since I started this whole "concentrate on being healthy" life-long project started.

Dr. Pita mentioned that I need to be sure to drink water, because thirst disguises itself as hunger. Good point. I am going to try to drink at least 8 ounces of water before I eat anything. However, I know it is something beyond that. He also mentioned that there is a distinct instinct in us that makes us want to eat more as the weather gets colder. During this time I will need to be hypervigilant.

I got the most today from meeting with the Clinic Social Worker. She gave me a list of high-serotonin food for these low-light days. Here they are:

High Serotonin

Moderate Serotonin
Black Olives
Grapefruit and Honeydew

She also mentioned it could be the start of the winter blues. I mentioned that I want to buy this natural light that turns on slowly at a certain time each day (just like sunlight). Well, between the two of us we came up with the idea that I will use a regular OTT light with a low wattage bulb and a timer to see if that will help. It will not be enough light to automatically wake me up, but enough to start to disturb my sleep. It is a lot cheaper to try this than buy the 200-300 dollar light I was one day hoping to purchase.

Now, for my funny story for the week, I want to tell you about my Mother and Father. They are sugar pushers in their old age. When you are in the middle of a cycle of binging THESE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE TO BE AROUND.

You see, there are these cream-filled sticks that I believe Dad gets at Aldi's. One day, while walking by my mother's computer I saw a can of these and said to myself; "Hmmmm, these look good. Only 70 calories in one. PERFECT! This will take care of the sweet tooth and not set me out many calories." Well, I ate at least SIX of these. Sweet, crunchy, and soft in the middle. Yummy!

In a conversation with my sister we decided these sticks are made by the DEVIL! We both are addicted to them.

A couple of weeks later I am telling my Mother and Father about this addiction. My father said; "I have coffee one's. Want to try one?" I said; "Sure. I do not like coffee this will cure me of my addiction." Nope! I ate one and IMMEDIATELY wanted another one. Of course, Dad ate one and immediately put the can down. He did not understand why I could not eat just one. Urgh!

I later informed Dad that he didn't need to have those in his house. They are made by the DEVIL! Normal people could not just eat one! He then said to me; "I am going to eat whatever I want." He didn't get the joke. Even mom got this joke! (eye roll)

When speaking to my sister a few days later I informed her of the incident with Mom and Dad. She laughed and said that the cream ones ARE addicting, but she had not tried the coffee ones at the time.

Later that day I get the following tweet:

@kristiasher coffee wafers are just as addicting.

Til Next Week,
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Nicole Winslow said...

Hey Kristi,
I have been struggling too, it seems like people eating around me is being magnified. This head hunger is horrible! Good luck to you. All we can do is dust our self off and try again.

The Latshaws said...

Hey Kristi, hope you are doing well. I just signed up for the Indy mini for next year - are you doing it again? :)
I get the winter blues and my doctor recommended a full-spectrum light - you can get bulbs at Menards ($15) and I think they actually help!!

Kelley L.